Information Walls.
Direction Moves.
Communication is the only way into a solution.
In therapy.
In sales.
At the counter.
The MAP Language supports all three: therapy, sales and de-escalation.
And all three share the same problem.
Look at the numbers in therapy and in sales.
They have one thing in common:
- Low success rates
- High cancellation rates
De-escalation is no different.
The given scripts.
The given wordings.
The traditional trainings.
They do not de-escalate.
Most of them escalate.
Here is why.
A woman at an airport.
She is screaming at two staff members.
“Best believe I’m not going to leave without my bag.”
“No. No. Because I have a connecting flight somewhere. I have a connecting flight.”
“Give me my… Give me my…”
Then only screaming.
Before we talk about how to communicate in a situation like this, we have to understand both sides.
Start with her.
Everyone knows:
- If you miss your plane, the plane does not come back for you.
- If boarding is closed, you cannot board anymore.
- If your luggage is already in transit to another flight, or on its way to baggage claim, no one goes in, takes it out and hands it to you.
- If you enter restricted areas in an airport, there are legal consequences.
Everyone knows this.
She knows this.
And she does it anyway.
Screaming. Shouting. Blaming the staff.
Why?
Because the system turns off.
The connecting flight she is talking about is so important to her that everything rational stops counting.
It does not reach her system.
Not in that moment.
The chain is simple:
- Fear leads into frustration.
- Frustration leads into aggression.
Her fear of missing the connection.
Or of taking that flight without her luggage.
That fear triggers this behavior.
And now look at what the staff can offer her.
Everything that is said or done and does not lead into a solution for her
is a wall.
If the staff speak calmly, but do not deliver what she expects —
it does not matter how calm they are.
If it is not going in her direction, it is a wall.
They could shout back at her.
It would change nothing.
Calm is not a solution.
Tone is not a direction.
Now the other side.
The two men behind the counter.
What they are facing is verbal abuse.
What happens there is at least one criminal case.
Potentially more than one.
At the very least: verbal abuse.
And these two men have no right to do anything about it.
They are there
to take it.
Now send them through a communication training. A customer service training.
Teach them to talk calmly.
Teach them to calm her down.
What is that, really?
Undermining them.
They stay calm.
They accept the threat.
From a customer who understands perfectly well that no one can intervene in airport procedures.
This is not only an airport problem.
It happens in retail.
Daily.
- A customer wants to return a product and get the money back.
- The company guidelines and scripts are designed to prevent that.
- The company does not want to give the money back.
- It escalates at the cash desk.
- The manager is called in.
- And does it anyway.
The manager undermines the staff.
The company undermines both.
The script created the escalation.
The exception ended it.
And the person at the cash desk learns one thing:
holding the line was never the job. Taking the hit was.
So what happens in the moment before it escalates?
Not information.
Direction.
First: confirm that you understand what she just said.
Not “I understand.”
Her words, back to her.
“Your connection and your bag. The connection comes first. Please show me your boarding pass.”
That sentence does three things:
- It proves she was heard.
- It sets a priority she can accept.
- It gives her something to do.
Then, ideally, walk off with her.
“Please come with me.”
Go to a service point. There are service points available.
Movement changes the situation.
A counter is a position.
Walking together is a direction.
If possible, call in a new, neutral person to handle it.
Someone who has not been part of the fight.
Someone she has not yet decided is the wall.
And if you cannot solve it:
call security.
Without telling her that you called security.
Everything you tell her as a punishment
is escalation.
If it is needed,
just do it.
Without announcing it.
Now look at the script again.
“We understand your frustration.”
That is a lie.
“Please calm down.”
That is advice.
Saying nothing?
That is a wall.
Sharing information?
It will not solve this.
Because at this point, it is no longer about solving a problem.
The bag is in transit.
The procedure is fixed.
The problem, in the way she wants it solved, cannot be solved.
What can be solved is the situation.
- A problem is about facts.
- A situation is about a nervous system.
The script addresses the facts.
The woman in front of you is no longer in the facts.
She is in fear.
And fear does not listen to information.
It follows direction.
This is exactly what the MAP Language for De-Escalation is built for.
Not to make staff calmer.
Not to make them take more.
To give them what the script never gave them:
a way to handle the situation
when the problem
cannot be solved.
Scripts tell people what to say.
Structure tells them where to go.
Stop managing the problem.
Start solving the situation.